merely talk

I cannot stop watching this.

Favourite lines:

"You do not plant no tree in this parking lot!"

"You can't deal with my infinite nature can you?"
"That's just not true. Wait, what does that even mean?"

Awesome.

Because I have nothing interesting to write, I thought I'd post a list. Yes that's right. Cause as we all know nothing is more thrilling than a list. I have a feeling this may become an ongoing series.

Alright so today's list is a collection of movies I am looking forward to watching and why. Some of them have already been released, others will be hitting a theatre near you in the future, but all of them appeal to me. So lets have at it shall we?

1. I Heart Huckabees: This just looks funny and smart. I have no idea what it's about but it has a quirky feel to it, and any trailer that uses the term "existential detectives" is gold in my book. And it has a kick ass cast.
2. Wimbleton: Yes I realize it's a rom com about tennis. I also understand it has Kirsten Dunst in it...who I can't stand. It'll probably be awful, but I will still pay an outrageous amount of money to see it. And why? Because I am Paul Bettany's bitch. Ever since Naked!Chaucer graced the screen I've been unable to resist his snarky, British, sarcasm. So Wimbleton, here I come.
3. Finding Neverland: Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet. The pretty is going to be overwhelming. And it looks awesome. And Johnny Depps Scottish accent isn't bad. I am so there.
4. The Phantom of the Opera: The first musical I ever saw on stage was the Phantom of the Opera. I went with my mom and siblings when I was 10. I have been hooked on theatre ever since. The preview is perfect, the casting looks great, and I already know I adore the plot and music.
5. Hero: I've only heard good things about this film, and the cinematography is stunning.
6. Batman Begins: So Christian Bale is cast as Batman.?No you don't have to tell me anything else about the film, that's all I need.
7. Team America: World Police : You know what's been missing in modern cinema? Marionettes.
8. The Yes Men: I love anti-corporation documentaries. This one looks funny too. Hopefully it'll come to Vancouver at some point.
9. Alfie: Jude Law. Susan Surrandon. No questions here.

So that's it. That's my list. Stay tuned for more boring stories about my life.

The lasagna turned out well. Which is good. It could have been a disaster of Bridget Jones proportions. Except without the lovely Mr Darcy to help out. I'll probably be eating it for a week. So if anyone is bored or in the neighborhood. Come over and have a slice of lovely lasagna.

Work was draining yesterday. It's pretty tough running two sessions a day. But I had an awesome night. I skipped out on the Hollywood, and instead Janice and I hung out at my place and watched the Gilmore Girls season one DVD. And she even left it here with me...so I'll be enjoying Gilmore Girls goodness for the next little while. Yay!

Janice ended up staying pretty late so I ended up driving her home. On the way back I saw a skunk. That was pretty cool. He was just sniffing around beside the road. I always smell the skunk smell at night...but I've never actually seen one. So I was impressed.

I have a nice short day today, which is lovely. And I'm hanging with Anna this afternoon. And a certain boy will be calling me tonight...so all in all it should be a good day.

I'm feeling quite creative today. I walked over to Safeway and New Apple Produce and got lots of food, and have just put a lasagna into the oven. After briefly looking at the recipe, I decided that I could do much better. So currently cooking is Tessa's Magical Lasagna surprise.

My mom called when I was in the middle of preparation. I told her about my winging it plan. Which she thought was for the best. But said that the biggest problem with it, is that if you make the best lasagna ever, you will never, ever be able to re-create it. Cause you will never remember exactly what you did or how much of what you put in. Even now, a mere 30 minutes since I finished making it, I can't remember how much garlic I put in.

The conversation I had with my mom was surreal. She had rented "School of Rock" the night before. I tell you, you haven't lived until you've heard my mom do an impression of Jack Black. It was really, really weird. I think soon my mom is going to be more up to date on pop culture than I am. Scary.

I've been meaning to link to this page for quite sometime. It's written by a smart funny woman, who is currently going through the Weight Watchers diet. She's been on it for a year...I think, and she very eloquently describes the battle of losing weight. So go check her out. You really won't regret it.

Had a long day today. Sort of. I had to work at 10, and then again at 6. So there was a nice long break between sessions, but it was still a little annoying.

But a good spot of the day was seeing Amanda. She and I went to Death by Chocolate. We were heading to the tea house nearby, but were sidetracked by the promise of goodness. It was really good. I wasn't able to finish mine ( a cake and ice cream creation), it was a bit to rich, but I still had a good time. I think me living so close to this restaurant is going to be a very dangerous thing. I'm not sure my wallet, or ass, can take it.

Tomorrow is my wonderful day off. YAY! I think I will spend the day cleaning the apartment.

Yeah I wish I was kidding, but my mom's coming on Monday, so the place needs to be much cleaner than it currently is. Also I need to do laundry and go grocery shopping. Meaning Sunday is going to be chore day! Doesn't that sound fun? If my days off are all like tomorrow will be, I may start longing for my work week once again.

Oh well. I'm sure I'll have fun anyway.

And speaking of fun...I was snooping around the Garden State website, and I found this. It's Zach Braff's blog. Very funny. Very cool. I recommend it to anyone who is a fan of Scrubs/J.D./Garden State/Zach Braff. (Janice, Anna...)

I just wrote this lovely long post. And then blogger ate it. I'm hoping it shows up soon. So I'm not going to rewrite it for awhile. But still.'


GRRRRRR!!!!


Edited to add: It has appeared. It's the one below this one. Blogger also ate this post for awhile. Grr.

I had a long day today. And a longer drive. Today I got to drive home, through downtown Vancouver, during rush hour. That was awesome.

But even more awesome was the totally scary east side. My route home takes me along Hastings, between Highway 1 and Howe street. Meaning I get to drive past the infamous corner of Hasting and Main. But that part really isn't the worst. It's the beginning of the bad, but I have to say the other streets are worse. If only because the "pedestrians" there, seem to not care anything for traffic signals...or even traffic. They randomly cross the street whenever they feel like it, at their own pace of course. Which adds another whole dimension of stress to the drive home. That and my Mother's warnings about car jackers.

However, today I didn't really care. The one family in North Van that I worked with last were great. There is so much love, support and positive energy in that house. When I left instead of feeling drained like I usually do after a session, I felt energized and refreshed. It was amazing. I'm really looking forward to going back on Monday.

Last night Anna and I went to go see Garden State at the Fifth Ave. It was a beautiful, evocative film. The music was amazing, he used my favourite Shins song, and the cinematography was absolutely gorgeous. That Zach Braff certainly has a great eye. The story really got to me as well. One scene in particular showed such intimacy between two characters, that it made me just long for my boy once again. It was so accurate, which is strange for a movie. Usually movie love forsakes subtlety, but not this film. It stays true to it's characters and as such the love story is remarkably genuine. A lot like Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind. Both were realistic portrayals of love. At least in my opinion. So go see it. I promise you won't regret it. It's funny too. I think I missed some lines because I was laughing to much.

I drove up to North Van this morning. It was only slightly nerve wracking, which is awesome, cause it could have been really bad. Mostly because I only had a vague idea of where I was going.

I think things at work are going to be settling down soon, which makes me happy. I'm starting with two new families this week, and their both great.

North Van was so beautiful. The houses were gorgeous and well crafted, and the water and trees and mountains were right there. Not to mention the sky seemed so close I felt I could almost touch it. It was quite the contrast to East Hastings, which I had just driven through. There people were randomly running in front of my car, and there was a lack of tree's and grass and nature. The area is overtaken by people. It was a little scary actually.

All in all the day's been good. Last night I talked to Miah for a little while ( a long while, I'm not to keen to explain the phone bill to Mom) which is always a good way to make me happy. And this afternoon I'm hanging with Anna, I haven't seen her for a few days, which is just weird. So it should be a good time.

Okay. So has anyone here seen Office Space? Yes...Good. Okay. You know that scene where they take down the copier machine. I think my printer may be facing a similar fate in the very near future.

I have spent the last 20 minutes trying to print off ONE page. ONE MEASLY LITTLE PAGE. To start the printer decided to eat all the paper, so I had to rip it out, little piece by little piece. This happened for about 10 minutes. Now all it's doing is printing one line of very small symbols, on the top of each page, and running them through. This may be an improvement, but not much of one. And it's driving me insane.

I hate technology...and I'm getting the sneaking suspicion the feeling is mutual.

So work got worse today. But then within a few hours it got better. I think it's the unpredictability of this workplace that really makes my head spin. It's really hard to keep track.
I've had a lazy day today. After work this morning, I came home and read. And then took a nap, and then got into my PJ's, and I've been doing nothing. Which I adore.

My Mom called and I realized it's been a few days since I talked to her, so we chatted for quite a sometime. What I love about my mom, is that no matter how hard things are, or however many people seem to be against me, she's ALWAYS on my side. There is comfort in that. Mom's are great.

I was reading in "Reviving Ophelia" that the person most women call out for when they are dying, be they 20 or 90 is their mother. This makes total sense to me. My mother has always been the strongest women I've known, and she's always there when I need someone to lean on. It's a complicated relationship, the mother-daughter bond. During adolescents we're so demanding of them. My mother would always embarrass me, completely unintentionally. I remember never letting her stand up for me when I was being mistreated by peers or teachers. I would have died if she had called one of my torturers mothers, or bitched out my gym teachers for marking me on my lack of ability, instead of my effort. And the funny thing is, looking back, her ideas would have made everything better. And she just wanted to protect me, but back then I didn't appreciate her. I totally do now though. Which hopefully makes up for my moody pre-teen/teen years.

But yeah, my Mom rocks.

Went to the Hollywood last night with a big group of great people. They were showing Mean Girls and Stepford Wives. It's been ages since I've been to that wonderful theatre. I can't even remember the last time I was there. The movies were good. Mean Girls was the better, but Stepford Wives did make me laugh. And I like the idea of how it satires some men's inability to cope with stronger, smarter, more powerful women. It kind of lost steam at the end though, but I still enjoyed it. And it had a great cast. I know a lot of people don't like Nicole Kidman. The little plastic girls behind us kept commenting on how she looks like a rat. But I'm a fan. I think she's a good actress, and if she lays of the Botex she is very, very pretty.

Before the movies Anna and I headed to the pizza joint across the street. They were out of Veggie slices, but they were just making a new pizza, so it was only going to be a 5 minute wait. Anna ate her slices and we chatted with other customers and the staff. And then I watched as the guy messed up the veggie pizza while taking it out of the oven. So they had to make a whole new one. Which kinda sucked. The line up at the theatre was already hella long, and we were meeting with 8 other people, and were worried about sitting together. Anna went ahead and I waited. They ended up giving me a free somosa because I was so wonderful and waited, and I ate one slice while I waited in line, and then snuck the other one in, and ate it while waiting for the movie to start. It wasn't the way I would have chosen to eat my dinner, but it was damn good pizza so it was worth the wait.

In the break between the movies, I noticed I had a message from one of the families I work with. I called back, and found out yet another thing has gone wrong with this job. I really wish things would become stable. Cause right now I'm not getting the hours I was promised, or the wage, and any hope of me having any money saved after this is pretty slim. I seriously made more working part time as a sales girl then I do doing this. And then I didn't have to worry about buying gas, or driving around the entire lower mainland. I'm just saying.

It's just weird. If what I'm going through right now is the so-called "Real World", I'd gladly go back to school forever and working part time in a job far removed from my chosen career. I was happier then. And even though I was stressed it had nothing on this. I'm losing sleep and weight, and I'm unhappy about both. (I know technically I should be happy about the weight, cause this last 10 pounds has been the bane of my existence for the last year, but it's coming off too fast and in an unhealthy way...it's not good if the only food I do eat is crap like Ice Cream and cookies and then my skinny jeans, not only fit but are loose....)

Anyway, I get to deal with the fall out of the families announcement today. Should be a joy. I wish I could say more, but I'm trying to make a real effort at this whole confidentiality thing.

Had a good day yesterday. I just hung out with Anna and Janice. Death by Chocolate may have been visited.

It was a fun, lazy way to spend my day off. And the day ended with a phone call from my boy. Which was great. Especially when we got into a debate (fight) about gun control. With me stating that no house of mine will have a gun in it. Not in the house, garage, or shed. It was interesting. I was so involved in the argument that I burned my dinner. Which isn't that rare of an occurrence, except that I was boiling potatoes. That's right. Yes, I'm aware of my supreme talent. Not just anyone could do that.

I went back to work this morning, and in a few minutes I'll be heading out it meet Anna-Banana. She's going to take me to UBC and show me where all the libraries are. Then we will head to Second Cup. Sorry, THE Second Cup, and partake in coffee goodness. I'm not a Starbucks fan which this city is overrun in, and I've missed the way that Second Cup makes it's coffee. I'm really almost too excited about going.

All I have to say is that today I defeated an Everest of sorts. I went into Gravity Pope and didn't buy anything. I wasn't even tempted. It was wonderful. Both my bank account and Visa card are pleased with this development.

I managed to not spend any money today in fact. Even in all the wonderful stores on 4th Ave. And then instead of going out to eat, Evi, Amanda and I just went back to Amanda's and ate there. It was coolness personified.

I'm feeling better today. It's amazing what a good night's sleep will do for your outlook. I'm still not feeling great about work, but my sore throat has lessened, and I'm feeling slightly more healthy today.

So YAY!

I spent last night over at Amanda's house re-potting plants. In the dark. It was quite the relaxing adventure. And now I am the proud owner of 5 of her little baby spider plants. I have to keep them alive. Which worries me slightly. I'm not that great at keeping plants alive. But I have faith. I'll do my best to take care of them. Especially since Amanda is quite attached to them, and she would be very disappointed in me if something happened.

As we re-potted she started to talk about how she likes the idea of friendship plants. That one friend gives their friend an offspring from one of their plants. And the friend then owns a clone of the origingal. So she's given me these ones, and if I take good care of them and they have babies of their own, I could give them to my friends. And it creates this chain of life and friendship. I think it's kinda an awesome idea. So there's even more incentive for me to take care of these little ones.

I think after I get paid I'll head over to a plant store and get a few more plants for my balcony. It looks so plain and lonely out there. And I'm inspired by the ones I got last night. I'm so keen to grow more.

I also have big plans to grow some herbs on one of my window sills. I'm a big fan of basil. But I may have missed the season on it. I'm not sure. I'll ask my mom, the all knowing plant lady.

My big goal for my future is to own a house. I have big plans for a library and an office, and colour schemes for the kitchen, bedrooms, and living room. I know other girls plan their weddings, or careers. I plan my house. And in every re-creation of it there is a beautiful flower garden in the front and a vegetable garden in the back. I plan on growing tomatoes and carrots and potatoes. And other fun things. So I best learn the nuances of growing now, so I'll know what I'm doing in the (hopefully near) future.

It's been a bad week. And I don't really have very high hopes for the weekend. My job stress level increased exponentially in the last three days, and I woke up this morning with a wicked bad sore throat. It feels a little like strep, but I'm giving it until tomorrow before I go to the doctor to find out for sure. It made work this morning a joy, let me tell you.

I'm also just really tired. I've had a bad case of insomnia since I moved back to Vancouver. I'm now incapable of sleeping through the night more often than not. The lack of sleep is leaving me cranky and bitchy and irritated, making me a pleasure to be around. I'm normally a fairly negative person, but it's going to the extreme. It's to the point where I can barely stand to listen to myself.

I just keep waiting for things to get better. The insomnia is (most likely) an effect of the stress from work, and as such I now have all my hopes for happiness pinned on this job getting better. Which is silly, really. There is no magic solution for happiness. Just like being thin didn't solve all my problems, I doubt this job getting better will instantly make my world perfect. But it's not like I'm still not wishing that were the case and linking everything that makes me unhappy to this job.

The truth is there isn't much I can really do to make work calm down, I have to wait and get used to it. Wait until I'm comfortable with what I'm doing, and I'm confident with the decisions I'm making everyday. Which is hard. I want so much for this to work out. For this job to be worth what I sacrificed for it. And I hate that I'm stuck in limbo with no end in sight.

Of course it would also be lovely if I was within a more supportive and less hostile work environment. But sadly I don't think that's going to change anytime soon. I have to do this on my own.

Sigh.

I also miss that boy of mine something fierce. It's weird, the missing. It changes from day to day. Some days I can barely breathe because of the absence and it's all I can do to keep moving and speaking and living. And other days I'm okay and I go a few hours without thinking of him. Lately the bad days are outweighing the good though. I don't know when we'll see each other again and I'm so overwhelmed with work that I don't feel like I'm strong enough to do this, to live here and drive here and be away from the life I made for myself in Edmonton. I knew moving here wouldn't be easy, but how hard the adjustment has been took me by surprise. It's not like I was starting over. I have a support group here. I have friends and family, but for some reason it's not always enough.

I don't know, maybe this is just the fever talking. Or the exhaustion. I'll probably be better in a few hours. And maybe tomorrow will be a better day. And next week a better week. And even if I can't see it now, maybe things are getting better, and only in hindsight will it become apparent. That doesn't help now of course. But it's something. The hope of improvement is a big reason I get up everyday. The hope that the coming day will be better than the last. Which is most likely a mistake, cause it leaves me disappointed. But I need to reamain somewhat optimisic, cause the alternative is too scary to bear.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. Or where I've gone. I don't have a point, so I'm having trouble coming to a conclusion. I guess I'll I'm saying is that I'm unhappy at this moment.

Why haven't you checked out the Fug blog yet? It is awesome.

As well, have you lost a sock lately? Perhaps you should write up a personal ad, and it may come back to you.

And finally. Another satire of a stupid US policy. It's almost too easy, isn't it?

I have to leave for Surrey in half and hour, but I thought I'd try to write an update. Not much is new in my life. Amy has gone back to Edmonton, and I've returned to life at the grind. Work is still stressful, driving is less stressful but not as easy as it should be, and my friends are still wonderful.

I headed to a potluck last night that was filled with good company and deliciousness. It was fun. And I actually remembered that I had a car and drove there. It was nicer than taking the bus, for sure. It was easier to get home too.

When I started this blog I had two ideas in mind for it. The first was to keep people that I don't see much but still care about up to date about my life. I'm not the best at returning emails or letters or phone calls in a timely matter. And this seemed to be a good way to let people know what's happening in my life.

The second reason was due to the fact that I'm not going back to school this September, but I have to write a huge paper by next August. I pretty much stopped writing for fun after I graduated from high school, and since then I've seen a deterioration of my writing. So much so that I think I've been getting lower marks on essays not due to content, but because of my lack of a decent writing style. So a large reason I decided to keep this blog was so that I could force myself to start writing again. I've decided to try to update it at least once a day, even if I have nothing to say. Especially if I have nothing to say. Usually when I'm writing essays I can sum up my point in a fairly concise manner, which makes those page/word minimums the bane of my existences. Yet if I can make something from nothing hopefully it will come in handy when the time comes to write my co-op thesis (of sorts).

Of course this means this place won't always be entertaining (if it is at all entertaining, I don't really know). And I apologize for that. But really if you think about it, the very act of keeping a public journal is a fairly narcissistic act, so really it is all about what I want.

Hee.

Anyhoo, I've got to get going soon. I have a lovely long drive out today. It's going to be hella hot too. Sigh. I think Elton John will be the music of choice today. I'll just put Tiny Dancer on repeat.

I woke up a couple hours later. The tent was sweltering. The combination of me and Amy breathing and the sun had created a sauna, making it impossible to sleep. I tried anyway though.

Our neighbors were being loud. They were playing their stereo and talking. I think they were setting up their tent as well. I heard them talking about heading to the beach and soon after it got quieter and I was able to snooze once again. Amy had opened one of the tent doors and the fresh air provided temporary relief. But by 9 it was too much, and we got up.

We put on our bathing suits and grabbed our towels, and walked over to the beach. Which wasn't so much sand as big rocks. We put our towels right by the river and sat with our feet stuck in the water. The water was deliciously cold and my toes were soon numb. It was wonderful. There were little minnows to watch, as well as many people. It looked like a big chunk of the festival goers were there. Some had set up their chairs in the water, others were washing their hair and bodies. Some were riding on inner tubes down the current. The water was incredibly clear, and every rock I picked up was perfect for skipping. So I decided to spend the day learning how to skip stones.

After a little while Amy went back to the tent to get us some food and the sunscreen cause it was time to reapply. I had moved further into the water and was now sitting on a rock with half my body submerged. It was the strangest sensation. My upper body was baking in the sun, but my lower body was tingling with the cold. I found it so weird that the sun wasn't warming up the water, but I was grateful all the same. It was so hot and there was no breeze and any relief was welcome.

A DJ had started to play just down the beach, and the music was very relaxing. Perfect for a lazy day at the beach. Amy came back and we ate breakfast and sunbathed until about 1, and then went in search of shade.

We went wondering into the forest. The entire festival looked so different by day. We were on a ranch with mountains on every side and what had looked so alien and strange the night before was now normal. It's strange what sunlight can do.

We went and looked at the different stages and the art that decorated the paths. A few people were dancing to the music that was playing, but mostly people were sitting or lying down, recovering from the night before and seeking shelter from the sun. We listened to one DJ in the sand pit for awhile, and I watched some very strange dancers. But after awhile the bench we were sitting on became really uncomfortable and the music had stopped being good. We went down another path and ended up in the camp grounds. From there it was a short walk back to our tent. A few of our neighbors were out and about and started talking to us. One, Jesse, complimented me on my strawberries (I was wearing my bikini which is blue and had little red strawberries on it. Subtle eh?). We started chatting and ended up heading back down to the beach with him and his friend Tyler.

Jesse was carrying his stereo playing a song that had someone repeating "Do you find me attractive?" An Australian man came up and walked with us for awhile and he asked Jesse about the music.

Australian man: "Do you find me attractive?"

Jesse: (What the fuck? look)

Australian man: The music mate, is that what the music saying?

The AM started laughing and so did we. Jesse was pretty drunk so it took him a few seconds to catch on, but when he did. It was all good. AM parted ways with us soon after saying he would be laughing about this little moment for the rest of the day.

At the beach we joined the rest of Jesse's group. And dealt with being alternately splashed or shot with a water gun by Jesse. He had renamed Amy and I. I was now Strawberries, and Amy was Peppermint(her bikini top had green and white stripes on it...do you see a theme here?)We called him A-cups, keeping with the theme.

Amy and I started to pick up various rocks and name them. We had tiger rock, cheetah rock, rainbow rock, duckhead and duckhead: electric boogaloo...I think there was also a pickle rock that was briefly named penis rock. It was fun. And it was a great way to pass the time. I fell asleep a couple times, and I got the wierdest burns. But the sun and river and music were so relaxing it was worth it. It was the first time in a while where I had been so relaxed and calm. Ever since I've moved back to Vancouver (and just before actually, bracing myself for the move and all) I've been so stressed out. First it was because of the leaving of wonderful people in Edmonton. And the absolute agony of being away from Miah (dramatic, no?) and then it was the stress of the new job, which has yet to get better. So being a ten hour drive away from the job, sitting in a river and basking in the sun was really what the doctor ordered. I felt so calm and at peace, it was truly wonderful. And even if the rest of the trip had been a total bust, it would have been worth it for those few hours where my mind was completely empty.

Eventually we got up and went and had lunch, and then went shopping. There were little kiosks set up in one of the villages selling clothing, jewelry, art and pipes. Amy bought a pair of beautiful earrings that I spent the rest of her stay coveting, and I got an awesome anklet and a really pretty bracelet. I have yet to take either of them off.

Post shopping there were more naps on the beach, a dinner of sorts and then another nap in the tent. After the sun set it got quite cold again and the tent was warm, and so were our clothes which had spent the day in there. It was glorious. We slept until about nine, and then got ready to head out again. We did a brief tour of the grounds, but eventually went back to the tent to sleep again. There was a DJ Amy wanted to see at 1 at the Fractal Forest, and another one at 2 at the Main stage.

I slept until 11:30 and then we went to the main stage once again and danced for an hour. At one we headed to the Fractal Forest, but I was too tired to dance anymore, so I found a rock to sit on, and started chatting to a lovely girl from Nelson. She had lost her friends and was supposed to meet them at the giant pyramid. And she was wondering if I knew of any other pyramids. I didn't, but we got to talking anyway. Her friends came by after a few minutes, and then Amy came and found me. She had finally found Christina. Which was a relief. We were both worried because she had hitchhiked to the festival from Edmonton and when we hadn't found her on Friday night I was scared something had happened to her. So I felt so much better when I found out she had made it okay. Amy went back to the dance floor and I sat and watched the people and listened to the music. The DJ was crazy and weird and so energetic. I really wished his energy was contagious. But it wasn't, and soon all hopes I had of staying up until at least 3 were gone. Amy came by again and I told her I was heading to bed.

I had only been in the tent for a little while, when Amy came back. She said she was too tired as well. It was so annoying, neither of us wanted to take any drugs. But we wanted to stay up and listen to the music. Which just wasn't possible. I wish there had been a way to do it. But there wasn't. And our willpower against the drugs was stronger than our desire to see all the DJ's. So we both slept.

The next morning we got up, and packed up the tent and the car. We said goodbye to our new friends, and drove away down the dusty bumby road. Which was less scary in the daylight, but not by much.

Amy drove to Castlegar where we stopped in a Tim Hortons to brush our teeth and use flushing toilets. And also for the lovely caffeine. Then we went to a gas station and cleaned off as much dust as we could off the windows. Over the course of our stay at Shambhala my pretty silver Honda had become brown. We did a passable job, and then got on our way.

The drive back was mostly uneventful. Just outside of Hedley Amy dropped the Gingerale she was drinking, which was interesting. If only because she was driving at the time, and it spilled everywhere. I'm actually thankful, cause now my car no longer has that new car smell. I've never really liked that smell.

We got back to Vancouver around 8 or so. The last leg had been a little brutal, cause there had been heavy traffic and it was so slow moving. We were both tired and a little cranky, and the sun had been giving me a headache for quite a few kilometers.

Unpacking the car took three trips on the elevator, but we got it all. And we had a really good dinner of potatoes, carrots, corn on the cob and veggie dogs.

All in all it was a great weekend. I'm so glad I went.

A few afterthoughts:

• I knew there would be drugs there, but I was not prepared for how messed up people would actually be. Everyone was so high it was kinda scary. I've never seen so many people be so out of it before. It actually almost ruined the experience for me. I liked it so much more during the day cause that's when everyone was coming down. It was easier to take.
• I am so glad I went with Amy, it was great having a girls weekend with someone I rely so heavily on for advice and sanity. I've been going a little crazy since we stopped living together and it was great to have her coolhead and positive attitude around me once again.
• And finally I just have to say that the award for most valuable product needs to go to the wet-naps we bought. They made the porta-potties more bearable, my inner car cleaner, and our tent smell like diapers. Wet-naps I salute you.
  

Alrighty...where did I leave off. Oh yes.

So we finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. We pulled up to the gate and a nice man gave us wrist bands in exchange for our tickets and told us to have a great weekend. As we drove into the festival we were told that there were no more camping spots left in the camping area, so we turned into the parking lot (which was just a big field where lots of people had already set up). We parked the car and got out. It was around 10:30 and we were supposed to meet a friend of Amy's at the food village at 10:30, so we locked the doors and hurried over.

The actual festival was amazing. There were flashing lights, glow lights, Christmas lights and black lights. They even had this green lazer that was shooting out into the sky. It seemed to go on forever, like it was going straight into space. It was hella cool. And there was art everywhere, and music everywhere. The entire place had this creative vibe going on. You could feel it in the air.

Christina wasn't at Common Grounds. But we were late. Amy and her had made a plan to go back to the kiosk ever hour on the half hour. So we waited for 15 minutes and then headed back to the car so we'd be able to set up the tent. We figured even though it was dark, we'd probably be much better off if we set up the tent that night, instead of in the early hours of the morning after we'd been out dancing all night.

The tent set up took awhile. And by the time it was standing it was 11:30. I stayed there to blow up the air mattress and get the sleeping bags and pillows organized, while Amy went to go find Christina once again. The air mattress blowy uppy thing was of great use, and when Amy came back a half an hour later we were ready to go.

We got changed out of our skirts and tank tops and into warmer clothing, the temperature had dropped quite severely, and my teeth had started chattering. We got into the car and grabbed some cokes and a flask of rum and tried to mix them. Our method was to drink a little coke out of the can, and then pour the rum in. It didn't work very well mostly because the rum didn't mix, and just sat on top. So that first sip was quite the shocker. It wasn't even very good rum...some might even call it really, really gross.

Amy came up with the bright idea to pour our two cans into one another, back and forth, to mix the rum in. And it worked magically. Then she also came up with the bright idea that we should do shots of the really, really gross rum. This involved us plugging our noses, taking a swig and then guzzling gingerale as a chaser. It was gross, but it was warm.

So we were ready to head out. We went wandering into the woods first, which involved walking past the main stage. In the woods there were three more stages with DJ's spinning. The first one we came across was in this giant sand pit. There was a long green light that was shooting just across peoples heads and it looked awesome. I was still sipping my rum and coke and my stomach was feeling a little woozy so I decided to wait to dance for a little while, Amy went off on to the dance floor while I waited on the sidelines. The first thing that happened was three girls stripped down to only their shoes (and one didn't even have those on) came running past me and started dancing. And it was at that moment I realized I wasn't in Kansas anymore.

I went and found a seat on a log and just people watched. And trust me there were plenty of people to people watch. After a few minutes a girl sat down next to me and started talking. First she made small talk and then asked me if I knew where she could get some pills. I didn't and she took off. Then an artsy, hippie-like man came and sat next to me. He was very high and he told me all about the abstract art he created. It actually sounded very cool, and he was really nice. So it was a lot of fun talking to him. He eventually took off, and soon after Amy came back. We went off to go find Christina again and to explore the rest of the festival.

Amy had overheard our neighbor's saying the FreakNasty was going to be on the main stage at 3am, and she really wanted to check him out, but we were both battling serious exhaustion. We had both decided to spend the entire weekend clean and the long drive and late hour was starting to take it's toll. We headed back to our camp site and crashed there. We got into the car because it was warmer and ee both took little cat naps with the seats reclined, but it was still too cold for me, so I crawled into the tent and got into my sleeping bag. And quarter to 3 Amy woke me up, and gave me her touque and we headed off to the main stage.

FreakNasty was awesome. He had long dreads piled on his head and he looked a lot like Bob Marley. He even played some Bob Marley ( a lot of the DJ's seemed to cater to the hippie feel of the festival, I guess that's called knowing your audience). We both danced for a few hours, the dancing sorta helped me warm up, but not as much as I had hoped it would. And as the sky got lighter I decided it was time for me to go to bed. It helped that my knees kept buckling. I left Amy at the main stage and went and stumbled back to our tent. Amy came a few minutes later and we were both zonked out just as the sun came up.

We were late leaving.

It was my fault. I had to work on Friday morning, and for the first time ever I was late leaving the kids house. Then we had pack a bit more, then load up the car, and then get gas. So instead of leaving by noon, we didn't really get going until quarter to one.

I took the first leg of the trip and got us to Hope. We were confused about which route to take. MapQuest directions took us very far north on the #5, and then to the #97, and then to I think the #33, and so on. It was complicated. But on the map we had it looked like the #3 would get us there quicker. And there would be less changing of highways. Neither of us was sure what to do so in Hope we got directions.

When I came out of the less clean than I wanted bathroom at the Husky truckstop Amy was talking to a man with no teeth. The toothless man said we should take the #3. It would take the same amount of time, but the #3 was prettier. Then he told us to go the speed limit and be very, very careful. There would be lots of twists and turns and we should just take it slow. I thought it was nice how concerned he was about our safety.

Actually concern for our safety was quite the theme for the weekend. At the festival one of our neighbors gave us major props for being two girls traveling alone. He thought it was a rare thing. And I guess it is, just because you usually are safer if your traveling with a male.

Anyway.

Amy took over driving at Hope, and after one wrong turn we were on our way. We drove through Manning Park, and then through lots of small towns. I decided I loved the name Osoyoos, and my affection only grew when we discovered a Baskin Robbins at the truck stop there. My car doesn't have AC, and driving with the windows down is noisy. So both of us were sweltering, and Ice Cream = Awesome.

Greenwood was also pretty cool. All it's buildings look like their out of some Wild West movie, or like they belong in Heritage Park in Calgary. One of the dress shops had a manaquin dressed in a turn of the century dress, and the town even had a Saloon. It was really cool. Unfortunately we didn't have time to stop either way so I only got a brief look at this town. One day I want to go back and spend more time in all the small towns and tourist traps.

We got stuck in construction just outside of Grand Forks. Only one lane of traffic was open for about 20km. They had this pilot car leading people back and forth. I christened it The Pied Piper, cause he was leading us away. It's not the easiest association, and I'm sure there are probably better allusions one could make, but by this time we had been driving for something like 9 hours, and it was hot, even though the sun had set, and my brain just doesn't work well in those conditions. And for some reason the Pied Piper was the funniest thing in the world. So yeah.

We got lost once again in Castlegar. We stopped at a Chevron and the lady at the counter took one look at me and said, "Going to Salmo?". Maybe it was my hair, or my age, or the fact that I was clutching a well used map. Or maybe it was just the fact that I was not the first person to come stumbling into the gas station totally lost. Anyway she told me we were about 15 minutes away and to just get back on the highway. The 15 minutes thing was a lie, but the highway thing wasn't, so I still think she's awesome and I thank her.

The thought of us being close rejuvenated us and we got going. As we were driving down the pitch black highway, all by our lonesomes, Amy started talking about horror movies.

Amy: You know if I was going to make a horror movie, do you know where I would set it?

Tessa: I don't like where this is going. I think we should save this conversation until we're in the sunshine. Is there someone in our backseat? (Nervously looks in backseat)

Amy: That would be an awesome thing to have in a horror movie.

I spent the next several minutes trying to stop the creeping in my spine. I'm pretty vulnerable to the power of suggestion. The gorgeous sky helped. I'm a city girl so I'm not used to seeing so many stars in the sky. It was absolutely breathtaking.

We eventually got to Salmo, took a few wrong turns, went through a police checkpoint, and missed the turn into the festival. We went back in and turned down the bumpy, dusty road. There was a cute blond boy at the entrance, who pointed down the road and said that the festival was about 5km away. He also told us that it was very bumpy and to take it slow. So we started driving. It was pitch black and long. We were both giddy with exhaustion and excitement and soon decided that this was actually a huge scam, and instead of the twisty, turny, rocky road leading to Shambahla, it in fact was the road to death. This idea seemed even more true when a car going the opposite way was being driven by Jesus. Sketchy Jesus, but Jesus all the same. And than another one came and driven by Mohammed. Who was less sketchy then Jesus. But still freaked us out. The broken down farm equipment and the lack of other people really helped too.

It felt like we were driving down the road to death for hours, but I think it was only 20 minutes or so. And finally we saw the lights and the gate and we knew we had arrived.


That's all for now. I'll write more later. I'm starving and want breakfast.

Hello all,

I've come back from my weekend in Salmo, BC. The festival was amazing and relaxing. I've come home with many stories and a new name.

More soon.

Love,
Strawberries

My new favourite band...Amy's dating the basist.

Awesome.

Their defining work is their latest album, "You are the Problem, We're the Solution". The people in the know in Edmonton, think it'll be the work that sky rockets them to national, if not international, fame.

So I may soon know someone who knows someone who is famous. Go me!

First of all, I recommend every one check out this site. Especially if you ever wanted to make babies with Ewan McGregor...

Not that I have or anything...

Ahem.

Anyway, I was at the beach a few weeks ago with Amanda and Anna. It was one of the first times I had worn my bikini (first ever...) and I was relating the effort I had to go through to get it. I was telling them about my wondering boob problem. Meaning that without the support of a bra my boobs will shift in two different directions. So the bikini top that I ended up getting needed to have padding on the sides as well as the bottoms (Which also has the added benefit of giving me fantastic cleavage). And these kinds of tops are a lot harder to find then one might think.

I was relating my woes to Amanda when she suggested that I start a series of illustrated children's novels where the protagonist is my boobs. Detailing the adventures my boobs go on. For example "Tessa's boobs go bra shopping", "Tessa's boobs go to the beach", "Tessa's boobs meet other boobs at the Pride Parade", and "Tessa's boobs meet a nice boy".

So what do you all think? Think it could work?

Dude.

Went to the fireworks last night for the big finale. I am happy to report that the land of Ikea took top prize. Deservingly so.

The fireworks were pretty awesome and we had a great place to watch them from. I was really cold and tired after they finished. But that is to be expected, since I was wearing a skirt and it was way past my bedtime.

My Dad stopped by the apartment yesterday afternoon and brought me some camping gear for the big event next weekend. He brought me a tent, an airmattress and a sleeping bag, as well as this really cool gadget that blows up your airmattress really quick and that I can plug into my car's cigarrette lighter to recharge. I have decided to call it the "Electric blowing up airmattess thingy". Creative, eh?

I'm pretty stoked about heading out to Nelson with Amy. It's a total road-trip, music festival, freedom thing. And should be awesome. And I'm going with one of my favourite people, who I've desperately missed talking with since I moved to Vancouver. Email and MSN just suck in that respect.


So it's going to be great having just the two of us hanging out and hopefully the 7 hour drive will give us plenty of time to catch up.

What is the world coming too? First Barbie and Ken break up, and now this! I think I need to go lie down for awhile.

Anna and I headed to Boston Pizza last night, to partake in some cheesy goodness. And good it was. Our waiter was hella cute and my three cheese and sundried tomato pizza was orgasmic. Anna also got the best dessert ever. Called the chocolate explosion. It was chocolate cake, with pieces of cheese cake embedded within. I was way too stuffed to eat any, but she said it was heaven.

After dinner we headed over to Toys R'Us. In my rush to pack when moving to Vancouver I forgot to bring a deck of cards. Over dinner we both decided we wanted to play some Gin Rummy, so a quest was born.

Toys R'Us is one of the most distracting stores ever. We went wondering down the Barbie aisle because we both remembered as being a long hallway of pink filled with every Barbie and every accessory a girl could ever want. I still sometimes dream of that place and the joys it contained.

Sadly reliving your childhoods most sacred of areas is often a disappointment. We found that the Barbie aisle through our (somewhat) adult eyes to be lacking. There wasn't nearly enough pink for starters. And these new "My Scene" Barbies with their grotesquely large eyes and oh so hip names are downright frightening. We soon retreated to the rest of the store rather than face what had become of our childhood friend. (Even though one of the my scene Barbies had her very own club...with a disco ball and everything...I think my Barbies would have had a great time there. Of course with the little stage that comes with the bar would most likely have been used for one of my Barbies to strip. But whatever. It still would have been awesome.)

We ended up in the book section after we gave all the talking stuffed animals a squeeze. I picked up a copy of "Love you Forever". And then proceeded to have a quiet cry because of that loving mother and son. I know in my head it's a little creepy and everything ( I mean she drives to his house in the middle of the night with a ladder, just do she can climb through his window and sing to him) but the sentiment is not. And I love it anyway.

Anna found this really cool book that had all these answers to questions. While I read through it I learned the source of April Fools Day, Why Canadian and American's celebrate Thanksgiving at different times, and if the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body. Very informative. And Awesome. It was so cool, Anna had to buy it. So we headed to the check out which is where I found a deck of cards. So our quest was complete.

Okay. This is hilarious. It takes awhile to download, but it's totally worth it.

Headed to the fireworks last night. Sean had staked out some prime beach sitting, so when Amanda, Evi, Anna and I arrived, we had a great view. Spain rocked our socks off, but I found them a little subdued after the energy crazed show Sweden put on. When we saw Sweden on Saturday night, we were standing behind a huge group of people (all of them taller than me) and a tree. The view was completely obstructed, and they still managed to blow me away with the show. In comparison I found Spain to be just meh.

That of course could also be the fault of some of the charming people that we shared our stretch of beach with. There was one lovely young man who decided he'd much rather scream himself hoarse throughout the presentation, rather than you know, watch the fireworks. Thus drowning out the music blasting through the huge speakers, and making sure no one around him could enjoy the fireworks to their full potential. Thank you sir! I'd also like to mention the young lady who felt the need to continue on with the screaming after your voice gave out. That was much appreciated by all those around. Especially because she was much more shrill.

Awesome.

Anyhoo, it was still a pretty good night. I'd had an awful morning, involving buses, missed stops, long walks on highways, and creepy truckers. So this was a great improvement.

I discovered recently that my car stereo will not play burned CD's. No matter how much I sweet talk it, yell at it, or threaten it, my lovingly burned CD's will not be heard. Which sucks, but I'm getting over it. Mostly because it allows me the excuse to buy CD's. Like today, Anna and I headed to the nearest Future Shop (a whole block from my house) and I came home with this. I have yet to listen to it, but I've heard a few of their songs, and think they're great. And they're Canadian. It doesn't get better than that!

Miah came out from Edmonton this weekend to see me. And I have to say that his timing was impeccable. Vancouver has a reputation among it's residents as being the "No Fun" city. Mostly because other than going to the beach, there isn't much to do here. Except for this weekend.

I went and picked him up late on Friday night. It's always fun driving to the airport, and I had the luck to park in the wrong section of the parkade. I was near the arrivals, but it was the international arrivals, not the domestic. So I had to walk throughout the airport trying to find the domestic terminal. On my way I passed a fancy to-do hair salon. Which I thought was kind of weird. I can understand the book stores and souvenir shops in the airport, but a hair salon. How much business could they really get. Maybe the flight attendants and pilots use it. But still.

Anyway, Miah's plane was right on time, and on account of him being very tall, I had no problem finding him. We walked the long walk to my car and managed to get home without too much trouble. He told me to relax a few times, but that's only because I'm a slightly nervous driver and am not used to driving in this city yet. The streets are just too narrow for comfort.

On Saturday we had fabulous breakfast at one of my old high school haunts, and then went for a brief shopping trip down Broadway. We went to one of my favourite used book stores, where I got a copy of Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood. This is going to be the deciding piece for me. I've read two Atwood novels: The Edible Woman, which I hated so truly and completely, and A Handmaid's Tale, which I adored. So if I like Alias Grace I will continue to read Atwood, if I hate it I will consider A Handmaid's Tale a fluke and never read Atwood again.

After shopping we met up with Anna and Amanda and then the four of us headed down to the beach. The tide was out when we got there, but I was eager to get Miah in the ocean. So after a little sunbathing, we walked to the water. And, as was to be expected, it was bloody freezing. But we went in anyway. After a little while our bodies became so numb you couldn't really feel the cold anymore. It was good times. Miah was surprised by how salty salt water actually is. I know I too always find that weird. As an original Alberta girl I'm always a little shocked when I first dive in. I always manage to swallow a little bit and then spend a few minutes looking lady like as I try to spit it all out. This happens every single time. I don't think I'll ever get used to the saltiness, I spent to much of my childhood swimming in fresh water I suppose.

After our lazy day at the beach, we rushed home to shower and change and then went over to Niall's for a fireworks bbq. It was the second night of the Celebration of Light, and Sweden put up an amazing show. It totally blew me away. They were completely in synch with the music, and their firework choices were spot on. We were behind a pretty large crowd, so a couple times Miah had to lift me up so I could see the lower fireworks. But it was still totally awesome.

Another awesome thing was how well Miah fit in with my friends. He was sociable and sweet and funny. He was totally accepted by everyone. Which made me really happy. I love it when people I adore like one another. And also it makes ones life so much easier when one's friends like one's boyfriend. I loved how they could all see how great he is.

We ended up walking home from Niall's because the buses were packed and slow and in the end walking was faster. Of course walking involved crossing a bridge (I hate heights) and then 12 blocks up hill (it had been a long day so we were both exhausted). But we made it in pretty good time.

On Sunday we slept in, which was glorious, and then headed downtown once again for the Pride parade. The Pride Parade is the only official parade in Vancouver so the city goes all out. There were tons of floats and the parade was about 2 hours long (which we found a little to long). Anna, Amanda, Miah and I found a nice spot on a curb in the shade. The shade was good and all, and kept me from getting burned (even though I was wearing my SPF 45, I don't really trust it at all) but I also got really cold, especially after the fireman sprayed us with their hose.

The parade was good, but we also found it really long, and the free stuff take wasn't all that great. We got a couple condoms, and a bit of lube, but not much else. This couple with a child beside us, on the other hand, got lots of stuff. They got bubbles and candy and beads. Amanda and I decided that next time we'll get our hands on a kid and bring them so that we can get some good stuff too.

We parted ways with Amanda and Anna after the parade and I took Miah to Granville Island. We went in search of cheap tourist-y things for his sisters, and found these key chains with their names on them. Which was perfect. We went to the public market and picked up some lycee nuts and then he grabbed a slice of pizza and I got some perogies. I can't go to Granville Island and not get perogies. It's just wired into me that they must be bought and eaten whenever I walk past the kiosk. We also went and checked out one of my favourite stores, Dragon Space. I knew most that everything in that store was totally up Miah's alley. And I was not wrong. He really liked all the things they had there, like the dragon coffee tables (which I love too, they are these glass tables with the stand being a dragon's body and then the head poking through the glass table top. The craftmanship is amazing and they really are absolutely beautiful.) We also spent a long time looking at all their really cool chess sets. They has Lord of the Rings, and King Arthur, and Robin Hood. They were great. I want a set, but there is no way I can afford one right now. Anyway, I'm trying to live a less object filled existence. Since it seems I move every year I'm sick of hauling all my possessions. I don't want anymore until I've settled somewhere semi-permanently...a.k.a after university finally ends.

Granville Island was packed so we left after about an hour, and headed back to the apartment and watched the Seven samurai, which I found a little long, but still really good. I'm curious to see the magnificent Seven now, just to see how much they stole. Or to put it more kindly, to see the American interpretation of the story.

A DQ run was required after the movie, and then it was time for bed.

I took Miah to the airport on Monday morning. It was sad having to say goodbye. It seemed like the weekend just flew by, and I don't know when I'm going to see him again. Which is really sucky. I specifically wore non-waterproof mascara to the airport so I wouldn't cry. I know myself pretty well, and my sense of vanity is one of my most useful and powerful tools. And then on the drive home, I just concentrated on driving. Which was also a good way to keep from being too sad.

It was a great weekend. I love sharing this city with new people. I love having excuses to do tourist things. And it was so good to see that boy of mine. I really can't wait until Amy comes out in a week and a half, cause I get to do this all again. It'll be splendid!