merely talk

Creepy... This was a graveyard set up at the Parade of Lost Souls. It was an awesome time. If ever you are in Vancouver at Halloween I strongly suggest you check it out. I'll post more about my Halloween later. But for now, enjoy!

Top Five Things that are driving Tessa insane RIGHT NOW:

1) She needs to go to work tomorrow.
2) Her apartment is messy but she has no will to clean it.
3) Amazon.ca will not let her change her shipping address...something is wrong with the server, so it is prolonging the time it's going to take for her to be able to buy more things she doesn't need. ( She also tried putting in Anna's address...no dice. The help email she sent was returned with absolutely useless information. Thanks Amazon!)
4) She's super tired and cranky because her insomnia has returned with a vengeance.
5) Certain aspects of her life are falling apart with no foreseeable end to the madness.

So I updated this afternoon about my crappy morning, and then there was some sort of error and blogger ate my post. Which just added to the crappiness of the day. Basically I went to a meeting that no one else showed up for and then had an epic battle with a photocopier. The crappy part? The photocopier won. Like it always does. Sigh.

However my afternoon session went really well. Well at least the first hour and the last two did. The second hour was a little trying. But since it ended well that's all I remember.

Tomorrow is a LOOOOONNNNNGGGG day. But only two more days until my weekend. Which is kind of cool.

Also, check out this video if you care about the election down south. It bugs me only because it's so good and it's making me like Eminem. But yeah. Still awesome despite the artist. (By the by found it at pamie's website.)

I just got back from seeing Vera Drake. Anna and I headed out to the 6:45 showing at The Fifth Ave. I was really happy that it was in theater 3 because that's the one with the balcony. For fun we sat in the very last row instead of the first. And it was awesome. No one was directly in front of us, I didn't have to worry about disturbing anyone behind us, and we had a great view, with no bar in the way. Woo!

The movie was amazing and very sad. I left feeling very happy that I live in a time and in a country where women have some control over their own bodies. And that they have a choice when it comes to pregnancy. There is still a very strong feeling that when I girl becomes pregnant it is her problem, and hers alone. Which was pointed out subtly in this film. And until that changes I don't see any reason why anyone who is not part of the couple (ie politicians, religious activists, etc.) have any say with what she chooses to do. This movie made the point that what Vera Drake was doing wasn't wrong. It was just against the law. And perhaps that law shouldn't exist (thankfully it doesn't anymore...but of course certain people would love to change that). Anyway it's a good movie and the lead, Imelda Staunton, was amazing. I'm used to seeing her in comedic roles (she was hilarious as Mrs. Palmer in Sense and Sensibility) but her dramatic turn in this was awe inspiring.

I'm not going to recommend this to everyone though. It's one of those movies that I'm not sure other people would like. I loved it, but I don't need to see it again. It made my cry and it made me angry and it depressed me as well. But if you think you'd like a movie about an abortionist in post-war London, by all means this is the best you'll do.

In other news, wasn't the moon super cool tonight?

Today was my sister's 25th birthday. My mom was in town and made a lovely dinner for us at my place. It was a good time.

Geoff came over this morning to pick up his coat. I was holding it for ransom... We had a good talk and he gave me some good insights to my current insanity. So it was good to see/talk to him.

Other than that my day was uneventful. Work went well. I have my long day tomorrow. But then Anna and I are heading to a movie (Vera Drake) which should be a good time.

My darling friend Matt came over for dinner tonight armed with Tiramisu and wine. Making him one of my favourite people in the world. And he liked my lasagna thus elevating him in my eyes. Really anyone who knows me understands that flattery will get you everywhere.

We made an impromptu call to Katty all the way in Texas which was awesome. She's great and was super happy to hear from us. And I got to hear all about her new boy which is very exciting. I love the start of relationships, the whole getting to know you process. It's so butterflies in the stomach good, I miss it a little. Of course I suppose long term relationships are technically better. The whole knowing the other person better than yourself. But I miss the nervousness and the excitement.

Sigh.

Sunday was a good day. Anna came over, and my little brother stopped by briefly. He looked so old I couldn't believe it. I mean it's been maybe 7 weeks since I last saw him, but his hair had grown and he'd been hitting the gym and I realized that my little brother was in actual fact and adult. Scary no? Not to mention that if I didn't know better I'd think he was 25 or 26, NOT 18. It's crazy.

Anyway on an entirely different subject, for the first time in my life I'm wishing I was American, so I could vote in the upcoming election. See the thing is since the good ole US of A is such a world power, this election not only effects American citizens but a good chunk of the rest of the world. Including Canada. Yet only Americans can make this decision. I'm just hoping and praying that they get rid of the current administration. And I feel so helpless because other than urging them to vote it's completely out of my hands and there is nothing I can do. And try as I might I can't understand why Bush is in the lead. 'Cause that mans policies seem to indicate a intense hatred of Gays, Lesbians, Women, Blacks, Hispanics, and pretty much anyone who isn't an old, rich, white, Christian male. How is this a good thing? Well I guess it's good if you are an old, rich, white, Christian male, but I think that everyone else combined would overpower the old, rich, white, Christian male minority. So um, vote please.

Are an awesome band.

And I saw them in concert last night. Sean, Mark and I headed to the Waldorf last night and sat through one incredibly bad band called "Ladies Night", one slightly better which had a saxophone and whose name I can't remember, a great band called Jackass, and then these guys.

Jackass was humourous punk country stuff. Sort of like the Arrogant Worms on hyperdrive. Which I really enjoyed. I'm in the process of trying to download some of their stuff. The Groovie Ghoulies were very cool. Lots of high energy super fast, short songs. And what I really enjoyed was that the band was 66.6% female. It's not often you see a lot of female rockers. Especially drummers and guitarists. I wish I had learned to play the drums instead of the flute when I was younger. I'd love to be a drummer in a band. And I have to admit I got a little girl crush on the drummer because she was just so cute and cool and I really wanted to be her.

Anyway. I'm a little pissed off because I drank one beer last night. One. Exactly 1/6 of a pitcher and I woke up this morning with a headache. Which is really weird. Because I drank the one beer so slowly it had absolutely no effect on me at all. I was not drunk or tipsy. I didn't feel anything at all. Yet this morning it felt like my skull was shrinking and my brain was unhappy about it. Stupid beer.

Tessa's Top Five Favourite Books as of right now:

1) Pride and Prejudice; Jane Austen
2) Ender's Game; Orson Scott Card
3) To Kill a Mockingbird; Harper Lee
4) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire; J.K. Rowling
5)The Princess Bride; William Goldman

Tessa's Top Five Least Favourite Books than she has attempted to read:
(or Five books Tessa has thrown against the wall in frustration!)

1) Heart of Darkness; Joseph Conrad
2)1984; George Orwell ( I understand I'm in the minority on this one.)
3) Everything by John Grisham post Runaway Jury
4) The Edible Woman; Margerat Atwood
5) The Bridges of Madison County; Robert James Waller

So I think I'm certifiable.

I can't really go into specifics because the craziness deals with some personal stuff that I don't feel like telling the world. But if anyone wants to ask me to my face I'll be glad to tell them.

Basically I think my problem is I'm so very good at talking myself into, and conversely out, of things. It's not a good trait really. Especially because this ability of mine has the very real possibility of hurting a lot of people.

Sigh.

So I'm feeling a little off balance these days. I'd love to blame hormones. Which I gladly do most of the time. But deep down. Very deep down, in the cockles of my heart I know that excuse isn't really true. And I need to take some responsibility for my recent actions. At one point the hormones stop being in control and I have to deal with the fact that my anger and bitterness have some other cause. I need to figure out what that is, and then I need to deal with it. Which is an annoying process which makes me irritable. Blah!

(Oh my God! The freakiest thing just happened. As I wrote this my little desk lamp turned itself off for a few seconds and then turned itself back on again. I think I may have a ghost! I hope it's like Casper and not some weird creepy scary one.)

I had dinner with a co-worker on Thursday night before heading out to Janice's birthday celebration. It was awesome. She's such a cool person and I really enjoyed hanging out with her. I think I may have found a new friend. Which is great. I'm one of those people who thinks you can never have too many friends.

Tonight I was going to go on the Ghost Train with some friends. But then not enough people RSVP'd Joan's invite. So the festivities were cancelled. Which sucks. Fortunately my night has been saved by Sean. He and I and some other people are heading out to a concert. I don't know the band. Sean told me the name but I forget. But I think it'll be an awesome time. I love concerts and it's been far too long since I've been to one. If you don't count DJ's the last concert I went to was Rufus Wainwright in April. Which is far too long.

My dear friend Jenn is heading to Nepal for a few months to go work in an orphanage. Exciting, no? To keep us all up to date she has started a blog. Go read it. I've linked it on my page over on the side, and I'll link it here too.

The apple festival was great, but a little cold. I had sat for a few hours in the rain watching Amanda's rugby game, and since I wasn't wearing appropriate footwear (since I don't own appropriate footwear, which will be remedied if I ever have a day off ever again...) I was freezing pretty quick. Fortunately I had managed to wear my pink raincoat, so my body wasn't too cold.

The rugby game was pretty awesome and I had a good time. I had absolutely no understanding of how the game was played or the rules when I got there. Yet throughout the game I started to get an understanding and was even able to pick up a bit of the terminology. So that was good.

I had a bit of an adventure finding the field. I 'm pretty unfamiliar with the UBC campus and find it to be impossibly large. I have no idea how anyone ever makes it to their classes on time. Amanda had shown me on my map of the campus where to go, but I hadn't brought it with me, and the campus maps looked very different. I did eventually find the field, but it was all fenced it. I could hear the game and I caught glimpses of the girls every little while, but after walking the perimeter the only entrance I could find involved walking through the locker room. I was a little unsure that I was allowed to go that way, but seeing as there wasn't any other way to go, I went in. The locker room itself was a bit of a maze but after a few wrong turns I managed to find my way to the field and then the bleachers. Later Amanda confirmed that the locker room was the only entrance. Which lead me to ask about security issues. I could have very easily walked in there and taken all the wallets, since there was no one there watching the stuff....but I guess UBC knows what it's doing.

It was pouring by the time the game ended. Amanda had a cold shower (there was no warm water) and then we walked over the Botanical Gardens to partake in the celebration of apples. Amanda and I started by a general survey of the outdoor festival. Amanda's lips quickly turned blue, and I was pretty much constantly shivering do to the wetness of my pants, shoes and socks so we were eager to check out the (few) indoor displays. Then we went to the apple testing. Which is this awesome idea where they let people into this tent for half an hour and you just go around and taste 60 different kinds of apples. And it was only $2. Amanda and I had a game plan all worked out and we managed to try every kind, as well as go back for seconds of our favourites. My personal favourite was the Topaz apple. It's a favourite in Europe and is just coming to Canada this season. It was sweet and crunchy which is how I like my apples.

We left pretty quickly after the tasting we were both freezing and craving something delicious and slightly unhealthy. After a quick pit stop at my house so I could change into some warm and dry clothing we headed to the Mongolian grill in time for the lunch special. I love that place. Sadly since the diet I've been unable to eat an entire bowl. Sometimes I really wish I could eat more than I'm able. And at the Mongolian grill that is always true. Sigh.

Last night Anna, my cousin Anna and I headed to the Hollywood to catch the Notebook. It would have been a lovely experience except for the audience. Despite the fact that there is a clock at the front of the theater the guy beside me (who had obviously been dragged there by his girlfriend) had to repeatedly pull his cell phone out to check the time. The display light was a annoyingly bright orange which was incredibly distracting. He also pulled it out and opened it approximately 3 times a minute. I wish I was exaggerating. I also loved the teenage girls behind us who thought that the effects of Senile Dementia were hilarious and laughed through one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the theater. Yeah old people with horrific mental illnesses are really funny. I too hope one day I don't remember any of my family members and have to be put into a home and sedated. That will be awesome. Stupid twit.

But yeah still an awesome movie. The perfect blend of cheesy romance and epic drama. I love it so much. And I love Ryan Gosling. Cause that boy is fine. And intense.

Totally awesome.

It was funny, and sweet, and Mark Whalberg is my new imaginary, crazy boyfriend. He just stood out in an entire film of offbeat, fabulous performances.

So I can't really explain why it was good. Just go see it. You won't regret it, if only because it's so random and weird and most of it just comes right out of left field.


In other news. I had a good morning at work today. The Dad came to see me before I left and thanked me for all the work I've done, and how wonderful the change in his kid has been. It was great of him to do that. He didn't have to, and since in some of my other families I get more criticism than compliments, it was really good to hear. So that made my day.


I have a pretty chilaxin' night planned. Watch some more Homicide Life on the Street (my Dad lent my his Season 3 DVD's) and then maybe read a book. My parents were in town last week and after going out for dinner we stopped at Chapters. My Mom bought me two books, the first one "Ender's Game", which I've read repeatedly and have been meaning to buy for ages. It's one of those books that I buy for other people, but never for myself. The second is called "Eats, Shoots & Leaves". It's going to help me with my punctuation. Hopefully I will soon no longer suffer the comma splice, or the run on sentence. At least I hope so.

Tomorrow I'm going to go watch Amanda kick major ass at Rugby. Hopefully the rain holds off for awhile. And then I'm going to go to the Apple Fesitval at UBC, to partake in apple-y goodness.

I got back early yesterday morning. Well not early. Eleven in the am to be exact. But to get back to my apartment for 11, I had to catch the 7am ferry. Which is fucking early. Excuse my French. It was worth it for the wonderfully relaxing weekend though.

It's always so nice to get out of the city. Pender Island is incredibly beautiful, and everything seems to run on a different schedule. No one is in a hurry, things get done when they get done. People get where their going, when they get there. Everything runs on Pender time. Which is beautiful. Even on my days off here I end up doing productive things. If only to catch up on all the chores and errands I've been ignoring. So it was nice to go away.

What was even better is that my cousin came out on Monday morning. So I had some company which was awesome. Especially on the ferry ride home. Those trips are so long, even after you get off the ferry, cause there's still the bus ride home to Vancouver.

So yeah, Thanksgiving rocked my socks off.

Other than that though, not much is happening. Just working. Blah.

Still alive.

I had a big ole party at my place last night. We played lots of fun boardgames, and I think I have to declare Anna the champion of the universe. She kicked all our butts while we pursued triviality, and then she and I as a team conquered Tribond. Thank you Arts and Entertainment!

I got up painfully early today to head out to my parent's cabin. Right now I'm typing on my Mom's lab top, looking out at the ocean. I can see Swartz Bay and a few other islands. It's pretty cool.

The trip here wasn't great. Both buses were completely packed, so I had to stand. Which was unfortunate and uncomfortable. However, there was a big group on young Scottish men on my bus. None of them particularity attractive, but I loved just listening to them talk. I do love the accent.

The ferry ride was fine. It wasn't too crowded. I just sat quietly and knitted my poncho. Which attracted a bit of attention from some neighboring women. I really don't like the ferry ride to Pender. It's long, and there are two stops before my stop. So you have to deal with the unloading and loading of cars several times, as well as all the problems that come with that. Today for example we were constantly bombarded with announcements for people to turn of their car alarms. Sigh. It was always mercedes and BMW's too. Of course.

Anyway I'm looking forward to a family dinner tonight, and my parents have cable, so I foresee some TV watching in my future!

I went and visited the doctor today. What a joy I tell ya. They spent my entire 20 minutes in the office letting me know that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. At all. But I mentioned off hand that I was a vegetarian, and was immediately sent to get several blood tests done, as well as a pregnancy test just to make sure. I understand that they want to check for everything. That's fine. I don't even mind being checked for anemia. Cause who knows, there's a chance I got it. But they sent me for a whole bunch of tests without telling me. The only reason I knew I was being sent for a pregnancy test was that I'm able to read, and I looked at everything they wanted looked at. Sigh.

I know there is absolutely no bloody way I'm pregnant. I've been losing weight for the first thing. Not to mention a whole load of other reasons, one being I'm not exactly an ideal candidate for immaculate conception and no angels have been knocking on my door. But now I'm worried. I'm such a psychosomatic it's not even funny.

To reward myself for being a good girl and letting the mean needle wielding man take four vials of blood out of me I treated myself to a new DVD purchase. The Shawshank Redemption just released it's 10 year anniversary Special Edition. And I now own it. And it's awesome. I just finished watching it. And I sobbed like a little baby. It wasn't pretty delicate crying either. It was the ugly gasping for air, squished up eyes, red cheeks crying. The kind that leaves your abdomen aching and your throat sore. Thank God I live alone.

It was quite cathartic though. I'm pretty relaxed, more so than I've been for some time. I just watched the movie, ate grapes and worked on my knitting, with a blanket wrapped around my legs and the fire roaring beside me. Not a bad way to end a pretty lousy day off.

Bloody doctors.

My parents were both in town last night. Which is a rare occurrence really. My parents being in the same city on a weeknight. Gads! Anyway since they are both lovely and wonderful people, they took me out to dinner. Since, unlike me, they are not poor. I always get to have an overpriced glass of wine when I'm with them. In fact if I don't order some form of alcohol I usually get shamed into it by them. Or at least my Mom. They really aren't trying to make me an alcoholic though. I swear.

It was lovely. We ended up going to Earls. Which I'm getting a little sick of. I've had the majority of their (small) vegetarian menu, and it's so loud. But I think this may have been a design choice. I've yet to go to an Earls that you didn't have to yell in to be heard. We went there because it's incredibly close to my apartment, and we had to be Atkins friendly for my Dad, thus ruling out the majority of my favourite (Italian or vegetarian) restaurants.

But it was all for the best. I really don't think my parents could handle the horrible service at the Naam.

Anyway it was good. I had a nice (free) meal and I got to see both my parents.

I know it's been awhile. I'm sorry. I really can offer no excuse but laziness.

Bowling was awesomeness personified. As predicted I did indeed get the lowest score. On both games. But it was cool. I had a total kick ass time anyway. I was doing fine until the pink ball of goodness lost all luck for me. Sigh.

It was so gloomy when it started raining today. It's been so lovely lately in Vancouver, this rain just seems so awful in comparison. That and everyone forgot how to drive when it started, thus adding 20 minutes to my commute. Thank you Vancouver drivers.

Anyway I don't really have much to say. No rants, or witty philosophies on life. I don't even have a new movie trailer to pimp. But I guess I could come up with a list of some sort. It's been awhile since I've done that. Let me think....

Anna and I used to come up with our lists of top fives a la Rob from High Fidelity. This was a favourite thing to do when we were both being shy and anti-social at parties. So I think I'll just come up with a few of those to entertain myself. Feel free to use the comments to post your own version of these. I always find other peoples responses to these fascinating. I even bonded with a sweet person while I was in Scotland. He and I walked down a steep hill in the pouring rain debating top five musicals, countries and books. It was kick ass.

Tessa's Top Five Countries to Visit Before She dies:

1) Ireland (the home land after all)
2) Spain (ever since the Olympics took place in Barcelona, I've wanted to go.)
3) Italy (I want to see Rome, and Pompeii, and Pisa, and Venice...and drink wine and flirt with hot Italian men...is that wrong?)
4) Egypt (Those pyramids are calling me.)
5) New Zealand (it looked so pretty in Lord of the Rings...and they have accents there!)

Tessa's Top Five Favourite Songs to Listen to in the Fall:

1) Autumn's Here, Hawksley Workman (just a beautiful, sad song. It perfectly describes the way autumn feels to me.)
2) The Wind, Cat Stevens ( I don't really know why, I just can't seem to listen to this song in any other season.)
3) Say Hello, Wave Goodbye, David Grey ( a mildly bitter song about an ending relationship. Maybe because I view Autumn as the beginning of the end. As a time when things fall (geddit, fall!) apart. Or maybe it's because I first got this album in the fall and couldn't stop listening to it.)
4)Strange Condition, Pete Yorn (Just another slow song. That fits the fall mindset perfectly.)
5)Possession, Sarah McLachlan (I blame that episode of Due South. You all know the one.)

And finally,

Tessa's Top Five Superpowers she Wished she Had:

1) The Force. (the ultimate, not only can I do everything, I also look super cool and get a glowing sword that makes fun noises...what more could you ever want?)
2)Ability to fly. ( I figure if I could fly, my fear of heights would disappear, cause it's not so much that I'm afraid of being high up, as that I'm afraid of falling from so high up, flying would take the fear out of the equation.)
3) Superhuman strength ( I'm sick of being weak, but have no desire to put the time and energy in to become strong)
4) Ability to heal immediately from any wound (that would be so helpful at my job...some of my kids bite.)
5) Ability to see the near future ( it would be kind of fun to see the consequences of my decisions before I made them. Not that I regret any that I've made, but it would still be kind of cool.)

So that's all for now. If anyone has a suggestion of a top five they'd like to see let me know. I'm sure I'll be able to come up with more later.

I love days off. First because it gives me an opportunity to just breathe. But also because it gives me time to get things done. Hence Sunday has become "errand day". Fun eh?

I headed to Safeway first thing this morning. I was out of milk so no breakfast could be had, which was a major motivator to get dressed and out the door. I stopped at one,of the many, Starbucks near my house for a Chai to power the journey. And then walked. It was such a gorgeous day, and Safeway is only about 12 blocks away, I couldn't really justify taking the bus. I got lots of food. I even have actual meals planned, so hopefully this will be the first step to eating better.

Sunday is also cleaning and organizing day. I bought a new binder for all my paper work. Since according to Revenue Canada, I'm self employed I need to keep track of my hours and pay, as well as my gas mileage and receipts and all that stuff. All the paper demands that I stay organized. Which is annoying to a slob like me. But I do like new things, and making new labels for my binder dividers. So that was fun.

The rest of the day I'm going to be catching up on everything I keep putting off. I owe a letter to a dear friend, and I have a few emails to return. And then Bowling! Which should be kickass. I can guarantee I will not win. I can also say with certainty that I will probably do the worst out of the entire group. Do I care? No. I've never been a "sport" person (does bowling count as a sport?) so I have no issues with competition, or having to win. I never win at sports so I'd rather just have fun. If anything, I normally just feel bad for the poor person stuck on my team. Because I'll be bringing their score down. Which is why I could never get into team sports. It isn't so much the exercise, I love exercising whether on a cross trainer or in a yoga class, but the pressure to win. Knowing others are depending on you to do well. That doesn't work for me. And the more pressure I feel either from others, or myself, the worse I perform. And I've found that even in friendly games there's always at least one person who is ultra competitive (meaning more competitive than me) who kind of ruins the experience for me. Cause if I feel a need to win, I don't have fun.

I don't really know where all that came from. I was planning on just writing about how much I was looking forward to bowling tonight. Anyhoo, Bowling, WOO!

What a beautiful day!

First of all it's gorgeous outside. Sunny and warm. And because the weather was so lovely, I got off work early. The kid wanted to be outside, I wanted to be home, his Mom gave me some carrots and sent me on my way.

Secondly it was payday. I had the great joy of walking over to the bank after work today and putting in not one, not two, but three fair sized checks. Making me no longer poor, but slightly less poor. It is awesome.

Last night my lovely cousin came over and had dinner with me. She brought wine. It was wonderful. We caught up, gossiped about our boys and school and work, and basically everything that has happened in the last two or three years since we last spoke. I had a great time.

Tonight Sean has volunteered to feed me. So I'm heading over in a little while for free food and movies, and a nice long visit with the sweetest dog ever, Boomer.