merely talk

I had a housewarming party last night. It was wonderful to see so many of my friends. Everyone has gotten so busy lately it was nice to all be together for the first time in awhile.

So I want to thank everyone for coming and bringing such delicious food. I had a great time, and it was a wonderful way to break in this lovely apartment.

* * *
I think I need to clarify my body image comment from yesterday.

I guess it is pretty unfair of me to declare myself the judge and jury of who gets to complain about weight and who doesn't. I understand that even if one is thin they still may have body issues, and that even being thin, as in too thin, comes with it's own set of neurosis.

It just bugs me when I see these girls who are healthy and a size two, who look absolutely beautiful and amazing in everything they wear, who complain about being fat. I guess I sort of view it as them having what I want to have, but they still aren't happy with it. Does that make sense? It's like me complaining to some one with one pair of shoes, that my 10 pairs aren't good enough. (Lousy simile I know, but I can't think of anything better.)

And in the end weight has never been an issue for them. They haven't dealt with being called a butterball on the playground. Or hearing the boys in class discussing how fat one is in hushed tones. They haven't had men yell "Fatso" from their cars. Or seen the look on peoples faces and heard the passive aggressive comments when they go for a second slice of pie. They have their own issues. Dealing with the thin ideal projected by the media, or this need for perfection. Which is horrible, and does so much damage to us all. But it's not the same. And I find them calling themselves fat disrespectful for us who do struggle.

I don't want people to stop complaining about their body issues to me. Honestly this wasn't directed at anyone I know, and I find a perverse joy in complaining about my flaws with my friends. It's fun and creates this bond (which is also sad and is probably another criticism of our culture, but I love it all the same). And I think in the end I know how hypocritical I am. Everyone has body issues and I should be more tolerant of them, it just makes me upset. I also know that if I ever am "thin" I still won't be happy and I will still complain about my body to anyone and everyone. So that makes me even more unfair. I know this in my head, but I still can't stop the irritation. One of the most annoying thing about my emotions it seems is that their completely illogical and irrational.

So. I either just offended everyone, or I managed to explain myself. Only time will tell.